Believe. Winter Stillness.

I love winter. One of my favorite winter memories is being bundled up as a young kid after newly fallen snow, and my mom taking photos of me, playing, walking, picking holly berries.I remember feeling how everything looked so new and white.

That's why I love winter. Everything can be new again. Old ways are dieing, trees have lost their leaves and life is sleeping, waiting to wake up and start all  over again.

On New Year's Day, our threesome hiked up the Billy Goat Trail at Great Falls. Lucy was perched on  her papa's back as he climbed the rocky hills like a ram. I followed nervously behind, voicing my fears, "Are you sure you can do this?" Pasha kept reassuring me, and sure enough, with each step as we climbed higher, my fears melted and my spirits lifted. I was able to listen to myself breathing as the brisk climb warmed my legs and brought fresh oxygen into my lungs.

My thoughts became clear.  

 I was able to understand where a lot of my fears come from.  Most of them about future things, like what kind of school will be right for Lucy, or  will-I-ever-have-a-sustainable-career-that-I-love? I slowly realized these fears aren't real. That I can have faith in so much more, in my own innate abilities.

We came back down from the hike feeling exhilarated. A calm sense of peace pervaded my senses. This New Year's Day I was clearer about what I believe in. I had not been sure if my decision to pull Lucy from daycare this month was right, but now I knew it was right. She was only going twice a week in the mornings, but those times were not mostly peaceful ones for me.  I would have to rely on my own supernatural powers as a mom. 

I am going to have to believe.

Finding stillness, peace, and faith on a new year's hike, while daring to scale higher heights. Yes, this may become a new tradition for my family.